Disappointments

As I write, my husband and two sons are driving west towards the mountains, heading to cool mountain streams and the campsite we'd reserved for a family adventure.  We were up late last night packing the car, and up early this morning filling the cooler.  We scooped the kids out of bed, and made it a half hour down the road before my daughter fell apart and we realized that she had a fever. Hiking, playing in waterfalls and camping were not in her future.  We reluctantly turned around and endured tears and choice words on the way home.  

As we re-grouped and re-packed to send the boys on a slightly altered camping adventure of their own, we all dealt with disappointment in our own ways.  One sobbed on the sofa, one threw a temper tantrum in the bathroom, and the other calmly waited in the car for a new plan.  I realized that as the adult, I had to suck up my own emotions and set an example for my children.  How I handle this small disappointment in life has the power to shape their experience and teach them about handling change in the future.  

As I grieved the time I had been looking forward to talking about life with my husband in the car, the shared adventure of going somewhere new together, and the encounter in nature away from the household to-dos, I realized that it was a familiar sense of loss.  It seems almost silly, given how generally healthy and blessed we have been this year, but I have spent a lot of emotional energy managing disappointment and clawing back from the sadness and depression I experienced when we returned from living abroad.  I was ready for a big change, but so far God has said, "Stay put."  I had honestly started to hope there was a way we could move to London for good, but it's been all closed doors.  God is teaching me and drawing me closer through the disappointments. 

We do not always get what we want.  God does not promise us that all our dreams will come true.  In fact, the bible assures us of troubles to come, and is essentially the story of a troubled people, living in the midst of disappointment, often trying to create their own short-term happiness instead of trusting in God and waiting on His provision.   

We do not always control the outcome.  Even in America, land of the free, no one is guaranteed success, fame or fortune.  Sometimes someone else gets the job, you don't get into the school, or you don't make the team.  Someone else is chosen, gets paid more, is given the glory.  Getting pregnant takes longer or happens sooner than you expect, children have special needs, the relationship doesn't work.  Life is not fair.  It is so hard!  I had a fairly charmed childhood, and honestly most things in my life have worked out more or less the way I've hoped.  I've been spared tragedy and devastating loss that I know others have endured.  And yet, I've had just enough loss, just enough longings not quite realized to know the ache.  

God has been so gentle in the way He is teaching me.   As a parent it is easy for me to tell my children that we do not always get what we want, and that we have to make the best of it.  But as an adult, it is another thing to live that out.  So today, when I watched my husband and boys drive away and turned to my daughter sobbing on the sofa, I had to make a choice.  Give in to the child inside of me and throw my own tantrum, or use my willpower to choose to focus on something positive.  She was watching me, and as I held her tight and changed my tune, she relaxed and I think let go of the guilt she felt about "ruining the trip." 

I've been feeling frazzled and life has been chaotic these last few weeks, and here I am with two completely unscheduled days.  It's like finding a $20 bill in your back pocket.  I am so sad not to be on a family adventure, but I am grateful for the time with my girl.  Maybe we'll paint each other's toenails, eat ice cream and watch a romantic comedy tonight.  I'll do the chores that have been left undone amidst the coming and going, AND start that novel, completely guilt-free.  I "worked" through the Sabbath this week, and here I've been given not one, but two days to rest.  

What power we have to change the narrative by how we choose to respond to life's inevitable challenges.  

What legacy we can leave by showing our children how to be disappointed well.  To grieve but not wallow.  To choose optimism and moving forward.  To persevere and build endurance.  We can help to write the soundtrack for the tapes that play in our family- one of bitterness, regret and self-pity, or one of faith, hope and love.  

I hate that we couldn't go on our trip as a family, but I am grateful for this opportunity to think about choosing to respond well.  Ultimately, the bible is a story of God offering something immensely bigger and better than what we imagine.  While the Jews waited for an earthly King to restore their place here on earth, Jesus came to redeem and restore all of mankind for an eternal heavenly Kingdom, one that He promises will even supplant the earthly kingdom someday.  He invites not only the historically Jewish, but all of us Gentiles too.  The way God works is to surpass our hopes and expectations, if only we have the courage to trust Him to lead the way, even when it's not the plan we had in mind!