A new day dawning...

When I last wrote, I shared about leaving London.  We got home in mid-May, while everyone else was taking EOGs and finishing school.  The kids were thrilled to see our neighbors, and we literally dove right in to swim team.  I started a new job two weeks later, and the reality of suburban American life has been in full force ever since, minivan, Target, and all.

Coming home has been harder for me than I anticipated.  Honestly, it's been a bit of a let down.  Like the day after Christmas, or the week after your birthday.  All that anticipation, the glorious long-awaited event, and then, it's over.  Back to reality.  We've actually continued to have really wonderful family experiences this summer, trips to the beach with each of our families, a weekend in the mountains with friends, a great season of play and friends at the pool. But I've struggled to be joyful or feel happy.  And then I've felt guilty about not feeling grateful.  I've grieved being away from a place I fell in love with, and the reality that I cannot in fact move to England and work in a cute little shop just for fun (at least not right now).  Honestly, I tumbled off my mountaintop experience and landed on my butt, slightly depressed. I was completely difficult to live with, and my sweet husband has shown me (almost) endless grace and patience.  

In spite of my efforts to continue “minding the gap”, to look for the beauty and goodness in simple things around me, to photo-document said moments on instagram, it's just been downright hard to live it out here amidst the ordinary. I think I jinxed myself by saying at one point that I was “learning to be content in all circumstances.” Hah! I clearly have so much to learn.  I've wondered about what I can write about, why anyone would care, and who I would even want my audience to be.  

As the kids headed back to school a few weeks ago, the cobwebs have started clearing and a little order is coming to our lives. Even as I edit this, I feel a little brighter and lighter, a little more hopeful than the me I'm describing above.  A new day *might* be dawning (I've learned the hard way not to make grand statements like that!)

We're not living in a new city right now, and we don't even have any exciting travel plans on the horizon.  But I am aware that I am on a journey.  I propose that we are all fellow travelers on the journey.  On our last Sunday at church in London, I wrote down the verse to a song that I felt like I heard just for me- “Bear your cross while you await your crown.  Tell of the treasures your have found.”   So, here I am- writing to offer encouragement from the road, telling of the treasures I have found. 

In my work as a Nurse Practitioner, I am privy to people's struggles.  I know that a lot of people suffer disappointment, anxiety, depression, fear, shame, worry, doubt, and discouragement that they don't talk about amongst friends and colleagues.  I have learned from and continue to be helped by the words of others who can offer "travel advice" because they've already been down the road ahead of me.  I want to use this platform to practice being honest, real, and vulnerable- because I value that in other people, and because living that way is much more life-giving than keeping up a front.  I hope my story and reflections might help, comfort, or inspire you- whoever you are- if you are reading this. 
 
Interestingly, looking through pictures of our summer to post here reminded me of why I started writing this and posting in the first place.   Our life is our story, which we're writing everyday.  When we live with an eye to the detail, we do notice more, and it's a better story.  Even if we can only read the story after the chapters are complete. So here are some "random" moments that I captured, that tell our story of the summer.  They bring me joy to see them, and remind me of the goodness, even when I'm not feeling it! 

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